Me Too: Reflections On Faith And Doubt

My faith has expanded.

My faith has evolved.

But first my faith was deconstructed.

I was a Christian for the first 28 years of my life.

Now, I’m not sure what I am.

I’m spiritual to be sure, but it isn’t as clearly defined.

The deconstruction of my Christian faith wasn’t so much about the practices of the faith.

It was more about the metaphysical or supernatural aspects.

Christians make some pretty bold claims. As most religions do.

I was raised an Evangelical Christian which basically means we took the Bible seriously and for the most part, literally.

Evangelicals believe one God literally created the entire universe. Satan is a literal being. Heaven and Hell are literal places. Jesus literally resurrected from the dead. Jesus is literally coming back to judge the world.

I can’t say I believe all those things anymore.

When I tell this to most Christians, they are somewhat shocked and they ask me if I’m “involved in anything I shouldn’t be.”

The answer is no. I don’t drink. I’m faithfully married. I don’t look at porn. I don’t gamble. I don’t embezzle money. I don’t do drugs. I have vegan junk food a little much, but hey, nobody’s perfect.

I’m still the same person who is ultimately trying to live the best life I can live.

I’m striving to better myself and my character.

I still believe that love is the best way to do life.

I want to be a part of a community that is bettering the world around me.

I want other people to live better lives.

I just don’t believe the specific religious claims of Christianity.

Yes, all of those things are influenced by a Christian ethic.

I don’t think it’s all wrong. Christianity gets a bunch of stuff right.

I’ve seen families surrounded with love and support and finances when they’ve lost everything.

I’ve seen teenagers quit drugs and stop under-age drinking.

I’ve seen groups of people rally together to lift up others they don’t even know.

I’ve seen character transformation in my life and in so many others’.

I’ve seen deaths grieved well.

I’ve seen joyful celebration.

I’ve seen genuine care and compassion for the hurting.

I’ve seen selflessness.

I’ve seen humility.

I’ve seen love.

I’ve just come to a place where some things are a little less black and white.

I offer this up, not as a criticism of Christianity or religion, but as a “me too”.

When I was going through the deconstruction phase, I really wished I could find someone to talk to who legitimately understood what I was going through and didn’t have an agenda.

There are things you can consume online, but that seems to be a one-way conversation. Not much of a mutual thing.

I know people wrestle with faith and doubt.

I know that it’s hard to question such big ideas that have so many repercussions.

I know it can seem selfish to be skeptical of things other people believe so strongly.

I know that you can feel “less than” because you are “struggling with doubt”.

I know it can feel lonely.

I know it opens up all kinds of other questions.

I know it helps to talk to somebody.

I know that it’s worth it and the questions are catalysts for the next chapter.

I know that there’s a higher view, a broader perspective.

I know that faith can expand.

I know there is hope on the other side.

 


If you want to chat about anything I’ve said, reach out, I’d love to connect.

The easiest way is probably a direct message on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.


 

A resource I’ve found helpful: The Liturgists Podcast

8 thoughts on “Me Too: Reflections On Faith And Doubt

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  1. I have to say, I was a little surprised when I read this, although I admittedly don’t know you real well. If I may ask, you mentioned a list of Christian theological points and said you no longer believe in some of them (I’m paraphrasing), to which ones are you referring?

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    1. I’m referring to all of them really … It has been an interesting journey and I ended up resigning from CCV earlier this summer. Over the past year I’ve been “deconstructing” as they say. I definitely haven’t landed yet, and I’m now trying to piece together the pieces of faith and belief that I can get behind.

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  2. Pingback: Thank You

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